January 24, 2013

DIY - Nanas

Considering the trouble I got myself into the other day when I tried to give Princess Teacup a banana, I thought it would be best if I asked the M.O.M. to provide detailed, step-by-meticulous-step instructions as to the proper procedure to meet the little goblin's snack-time demands.

She emailed me the following:

1.  Break the small, hard nub at the top of the banana (just a little bit) so that it begins to separate the pieces of peel from the banana itself.

2.  You should aim for 3 pieces of peel to remain to be torn off in strips.  Three.  Not two.  Not four.  Three.

3.  Show her the first strip and pull on it slightly so that it is easier for her to pull.  However do not, under any circumstances, let her know that you pulled on the peel because then she will think that you teared it off instead of her.  This will render the banana useless.

4.  Repeat Step #3 with the remaining 2 pieces.

5.  Make sure the banana is clear of the "stringy things" (according to the Internet, these things are called phloem). You have to take them off but, once again, do not let her see that you took them off for her. However, she will not want to take them off herself either (if they get stuck to her hand, the banana will be rendered useless and any hope of peace you had will evaporate). They have to sort of magically disappear.  If she sees a single piece of phloem, the banana will be rendered useless.

6.  Make sure there is no hard nub on either end of the now fully-peeled, phloem-free banana. If there happens to be a nub left after you have removed the peel, take off the smallest piece you can while, simultaneously, making sure no evidence of its initial existence remains. Do not let her see you do this though or else she will think it is a broken banana and the banana will be rendered useless.

7.  Hand her the banana.

8.  Pat yourself on the back for feeding your daughter a healthy and delicious snack.

** Editor's Note **

While extremely thorough and precise, I feel the M.O.M. forgot two key steps:

9.  Write a three word memo to Princess Teacup's future spouse to be handed over on their wedding day; it will read "I am sorry."

10.  Stop buying bananas.

1 comment:

Erin said...

Without any hesitation, I can say that this is the funniest thing I have ever read.