January 27, 2011

A Pocket Full of Cold

Earlier today, I had to go dig out the car from underneath the 2 feet of snow Mother Nature graced us with last night.

Lil Sippy Cup decided he wanted to come along to help.

I indulged his request, not really anticipating that he would be of any worthwhile assistance.

After a few minutes of moving small boulders of snow and digging through piles of drift like a gopher, Lil Sippy Cup decided that his energy would be better spent throwing snowballs at me.

Being a mature adult (with several professional snowball fights under my belt), I promptly shoveled a huge pile of snow and dumped it on his head.  Then I returned to work.

Without making a single sound and re-stepping in his tracks so as to not create new prints, Lil Sippy Cup snuck up on me and placed a small fistful of snow in my coat pocket.

I am not sure what surprised me more: the fact that he came up with this idea completely on his own.

Or the fact that he is, quite obviously, a trained assassin.

January 21, 2011

Brothers and Sons

Me: "Hey, little dude, come here."

Sippy Cup: "What's up bro?"

Me: "Ok, actually, it's Daddy."

Sippy Cup: "Ok."

Me: "So, try it again."

Sippy Cup: "Try what?"

Me: "When I call you over here, what are you supposed to say?"

Sippy Cup: "I'm coming?"

Me: "Well, yes, but what are you supposed to call me?"

Sippy Cup: "Call you?  Like on a phone?  I don't have a phone.  Did you buy me a phone? 
Where is it?  Does it look like yours?  Does it take pictures?"

Me: "Daddy, you're supposed to call me Daddy."

Sippy Cup: "Ohhh, ok!  Now give me my phone bro."

January 20, 2011

Dino Cups

Me: "Little dude, I want to talk to you about dinosaurs."

Sippy Cup: "Like brachiosaurus?"

Me: "Right.  I don't want you to be scared of....wait...what did you just say?"

Sippy Cup: "Brachiosaurus."

Me: "What...the..."

Sippy Cup: "It's a really big dinosaur.  It's huge!  Bigger than a building!  And it eats plants. 
So I'm not scared of it."

Me: "Where in the world did you learn that?"

Sippy Cup: "On Dino Dan."

Me: "Well then, clearly, my job is done.  Thank you Dino Dan."

Sippy Cup: "You're welcome."

January 19, 2011

Personal Trainer

Sippy Cup (jumping up and down in front of the book shelf): "One!"

Me: "I believe it's pronounced 'Good Morning' but I could be mistaken."

Sippy Cup (still jumping up and down): "Two!"

Me: "Please stop jumping."

Sippy Cup (jumping up and down): "I can't!  Three!"

Me: "Of course not.  And why is that?"

Sippy Cup (jumping up and down): "I can't reach the game I want.  Four!"

Me: "If I give it to you will you stop?"

Sippy Cup (jumping up and down): "No, not yet.  Five!"

Me: "I expected as much.  Why not?"

Sippy Cup (jumping up and down): "Because I'm doing my exercises.  Six!"

Me: "Why are you doing exercises?"

Sippy Cup (jumping up and down): "Because I ate a lot of junk food last night.  Seven!"

Me: "Grandpa said you ate rice, chicken and vegetables last night."

Sippy Cup (jumping up and down): "It makes me strong so I can fight the dinosaurs.  Eight!"

Me: "The dinosaurs?  What dinosaurs?"

Sippy Cup (jumping up and down): "From the movie.  Nine!"

Me: "The movie?  What movi...wait a second...you were watching
Jurassic Park with Grandpa again, weren't you?

Sippy Cup (jumping up and down): "Yep.  Ten!"

Me (shaking my head): "I need to speak to Grandpa."

Sippy Cup (wiping his face): "Phew!  That was good! Now I'm ready!"

January 18, 2011

Sippy Cup, D.D.S

Me: "Dude, you need to go brush your teeth."

Sippy Cup: "No thank you."

Me: "Ok, fine, don't brush your teeth.  Then your teeth are going to get covered with germs. 
And then they're going to fall out."

Sippy Cup: "That's fine."

Me: "Oh really?  You don't want any teeth?"

Sippy Cup: "I'll have teeth.  My big boy teeth.  When these little ones fall out, my big boy teeth will come down.  I'll brush those."

Me (silent stare)

Sippy Cup: "Fine! I'll go brush these little baby teeth for no reason!"

January 8, 2011

What I Learned Today (18)

Today, I learned that the quickest way to blow your cover during a secret spy mission to sneak into a room without waking up your son is by accidentally stepping into an open puzzle box and having 48 jagged puzzle pieces stab you in your bare foot. 

On a related note, I also learned that the only way to avoid doing a full-on ninja split when you step on 48 jagged puzzle pieces is through divine intervention.