February 28, 2011

Adult Supervision Required

M.O.M. (from the living room): "So what did you guys do today?"

Me (from the kitchen): "The usual stuff.  We played a little bit, we watched some cartoons, we worked on some activities from his workbooks.  Nothing too crazy."

M.O.M.: "He still has the sniffles and that cough. I don't like that.  Have you been
paying attention to his cough?"

Me: "Well, if you mean 'Have you been giving him medicine at regular intervals like his pediatrician told us to?', then yes, I have been paying attention to his cough."

M.O.M.: "Did you cut up an orange for him to snack on?  He could use the extra vitamin C."

Me: "No.  But I did give him a cup of all-natural apple sauce which is full of vitamin C."

M.O.M.: "You did that because you didn't want to cut the orange, didn't you?"

Me: "The apple sauce is full of vitamin C!"

M.O.M.: "I'll take that as a yes..."

Me: "And when I asked him if he wanted an orange he said 'No'!"

M.O.M.: "And who is the adult between the two of you?"

Sippy Cup (raising his hand): "I am!"

February 26, 2011

He's Right Even When He's Wrong

Me (stepping into the elevator): "Alright, press the button that shows the letter 'G'."

Sippy Cup (standing in front of the buttons): "Ok, got it!"

Me: "Nice job.  Do you know why you pressed that button?"

Sippy Cup: "Yep."

Me: "Do you know what the 'G' means?"

Sippy Cup: "Yep."

Me: "Here we go.  What does it stand for?"

Sippy Cup: "It means 'GO OUTSIDE'.  I told you I knew what it means Daddy."

Me: "I hate it when you're right."

February 25, 2011

Sippy Cupz In The Hood

Me (yelling from the kitchen): "You'd better be cleaning up your room!"

Sippy Cup (yelling from the bedroom): "No!"

Me: "What?!"

Sippy Cup: "I don't want to!"

Me: "Don't make me come in there!"

Sippy Cup: "Don't make me pop the trunk on you!"

Me: "Listen little man I am way to...wait...what did you just say?"

Sippy Cup: "I said 'Don't make me pop the trunk on you'!"

Me (shaking my head and sighing): "You've been listening to my iPod again, haven't you?"

Sippy Cup: "Haha!  Yeah!  I like music!"

February 24, 2011

The Nutritionist

Me (as I set the table): "Lil dude, dinner's ready."

Sippy Cup: "Ugh.  I hate dinner."

Me: "Oh that's nice.  I'm afraid to ask why..."

Sippy Cup: "Because I eat.  And then my belly is full.  But then it starts making noises again. 
So I have to eat again.  And again.  And again."

Me (as I serve his dinner): "So, if I'm understanding this correctly,
you would prefer to eat only once a day?"

Sippy Cup: "Yeah!  That's easier!  And faster!"

Me: "So, you plan to completely re-wire the human need for constant replenishment?"

Sippy Cup: "What?!  I just want to eat one time!"

Me: "Ok, you can start tomorrow if you'd like."

Sippy Cup: "How about I start right now?"

Me: "How about you sit on time-out before you eat your dinner?"

Sippy Cup (rubbing his stomach): "Yummy!  This looks good!  I like rice!"

February 23, 2011

What I Learned Today (19)

Today, I learned that the combination of a chocolate-frosted donut (with rainbow sprinkles) and a glass of fruit punch Gatorade is, perhaps, not the wisest of choices as an afternoon-snack for a 4 year-old boy.

I also learned that this "snack" will result in the most terrifying and awe-inspiring sugar-rush man has ever witnessed.

February 22, 2011

Sippy Cup Heston

Sippy Cup: "Dad, what's a weapon?"

Me: "What's that now?"

Sippy Cup: "A weapon.  What's a weapon?"

Me: "Oh, wow, uhm, I guess I should probably be careful with this answer."

Sippy Cup: "Ok."

Me: "Let's see.  A weapon is...uhm...a weapon is anything that you can use to hurt someone.  It might be a sword.  It might be some scissors.  It can even be your hands.  Anything that you use to hurt someone is a weapon."

Sippy Cup: "Hmmm....ok."

Me (beaming with pride): "So you have to be very careful with weapons and never, ever use them."

Several minutes later.

Sippy Cup: "What about with a bad guy?  If I use a weapon on a bad guy, is it still a bad thing?"

Me (pride suddenly replaced by growing sense of ineptitude):   "Right, of course. 
Leave it to you to turn this into a second amendment debate."

February 21, 2011

Literal Understanding

Yesterday, while driving to my nephew's baptism, I was informing Lil Sippy Cup of the general rules of the day.

Me: "Ok, so I need you to understand a few things."

Sippy Cup: "Ok."

Me: "When we get to the church, I don't want you running around and acting like a madman."

Sippy Cup: "Ok."

Me: "Listen, I'm being serious.  You have to be quiet.  Like, for real."

Sippy Cup: "Who is that?"

Me: "Huh?"

Sippy Cup: "Who is that guy?"

Me: "What guy?"

Sippy Cup: "Who's 'For Real'?  Who is that guy?  You said I have to be quiet, like 'For Real'."

Me: "Yep.  There's my next post."

February 19, 2011

Mutual Misunderstanding

Eary this morning, the little dude and I were watching cartoons when the commercial for the EZ Cracker came on the television.

Sippy Cups: "Dad!  Dad!  DAAAD!!!"

Me: "Why are you yelling?!  What is it?"

Sippy Cups (pointing at the television): "Look at this thing!  I want that!"

Me: "Of course you do.  Why do you want that?"

Sippy Cups: "So that I don't make a mess when I crack the eggs."

Me: "When has that ever been a concern for you?"

Sippy Cups: "I don't like spilling eggs everywhere."

Me: "Right.  But when would you ever use that?"

Sippy Cups: "When I crack eggs.  That's what it's for."

Me: "Right.  I understand how it works and what it's for.  What I don't understand is why you need it?"

Sippy Cups: "What I don't understand is your face!"

Me (shaking my head): "I also don't understand why I even bother."

February 18, 2011

Speed Demon

Sippy Cup (running full speed down the hall): "...ZOOOOOM!!!..."

Me (sitting at the dining room table as he runs past): "Here we go."

Sippy Cup (running full-speed in the opposite direction): "..HiDadByeDad..."

Me: "What's going on?"

Sippy Cup (running back towards me): "...NothingDadI'mjustrunningsuperfastgottagobye!!!..."

Me: "You do realize we have downstairs neighbors, right?"

Sippy Cup (running back down the hall): "...Yepthere'salittlegirlthatlivesdownthereIlikehershe'snice..."

Me: "I think I understood 3 of those words.  Regardless, stop running,
you'll bother them with the noise."

Sippy Cup (running back towards me): "...It'sokDadtheycan'thearme..."

Me: "Oh really?  And how do you know that?"

Sippy Cup (running back down the hall): "...BecauseI'mrunningsofastthatmyfeetaren'touchingthegroundzoooooom!!!"

Me: "Oh.  Of course.  Silly me."

February 17, 2011

Sippy Cups and Cufflinks: Kindle Edition

As you know, yesterday's post was dedicated to praising the wonder and magic of the Amazon Kindle.

Today, I will explain why. 

Ladies and gentlemen, this lovely little blog is now available for purchase and download on the Amazon Kindle Store:  Sippy Cups and Cufflinks: Kindle Edition

Obviously, this is only applicable if you happen to own a Kindle.

If you don't own a Kindle, I think you should seriously consider purchasing one. 

And, immediately thereafter, you should subscribe to this blog.

As we all know, reading is fundamental.  However, feeding my son is much more important.

By buying a Kindle and then subscribing to my blog, you will happily accomplish both tasks. 

I believe they call this "Killing two birds with one stone" but I don't like to use such archaic phrases.  I mean, if you're hunting birds with stones then, clearly, reading my blog on an awesome wireless device is the least of your concerns.

Regardless, please help me celebrate this accomplishment (can I really call it an "accomplishment" when all I had to do was fill out a form?) by spreading the good word amongst your friends and neighbors.

And now...back to our show...

February 16, 2011

Reading is Fundamental

** Editor's Note: as most of you know, I refrain from reviewing products on this site because I am always afraid it will be misinterpreted as product placement and detract from the sincerity of my original intentions for this blog.  Nevertheless, this particular product is freakin' awesome and there's an actual point to all of this.  However, you'll have to read all the way to the bottom to see what it is.  Or, I suppose, you could just use the scroll bar.  But then you'll miss out on all the words my brain was able to string together while Lil Sippy Cup sang old Motown hits in my ear. **

I received an Amazon Kindle as a Valentine's Day gift this past weekend.

And while I will not say anything as ridiculous as "It will change the way you read!" (as it turns out, you still need to use your eyes), I will say that it is pretty damn amazing.

You see, we're a set of dedicated readers in this house.  Unfortunately, due to limited space and square footage restrictions, shelf space comes at a pretty high premium.  However, we never felt that we should sacrifice our love of reading just because we, literally, had no more space for books.

The obvious solution was an e-reader; they're thinner than a pencil and can hold up to 3,500 books .  However, I had refrained from purchasing one simply because I was worried about the dreaded eye-strain caused by back-lit screens.

Thankfully, the Kindle utilizes an "e-ink screen".  I won't go into the specifics of how this works (if you're really curious, click here) but just know that reading on the Kindle is exactly like reading a printed page.  It's like magic, I swear.

Another added benefit is the fact that it is almost weight-less.  I will proudly admit that I am one of those super-nerds who enjoys the heft and feel of actual printed books.  However, I do not enjoy the added weight of a hardcover novel in a diaper bag (an accessory that will become part of my daily attire pretty soon). 

Plus, I tend to be super self-conscious about the books I'm reading; while I will sit with an obnoxious air and read Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace on the train, I will save Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga (don't judge me!) for the privacy of my own home.

The Kindle was an elegant solution to all of these problems.

Now, here's the awesome part I promised at the beginning of this post: Amazon let's you publish your blog for downloading onto the Kindle.  For a small monthly subscription rate, you can have your favorite blog wirelessly downloaded onto your device automatically (on a daily basis) for your reading pleasure everywhere you may go.

I will let you figure out why this is (a) important and (b) relevant.

Stay tuned for further updates.

February 15, 2011

The Gift

Early this morning, Lil Sippy Cup walked up to me and politely requested some masking tape.

I've become accustomed to his random requests and (after double-checking that he had not somehow created an explosive out of modeling clay) I gave him a few pre-cut pieces from the "Stuff" drawer in the kitchen.

I walked into the living room to find him furiously at work.  His back was to me so I had no idea what new invention he was constructing but, since nothing was on fire, I figured it was harmless.

After 5 minutes, he stood up, walked over to where I was sitting and handed me the following:

He had wrapped a present for his baby sister.

I have received specific instructions that I am not allowed to open it until she is born.

Since it isn't ticking and it isn't emanating any foul odors, I figure it is safe to oblige his request.

Regardless, I thanked him and let him know that, without a doubt, he was the World's Greatest Big Brother.

February 14, 2011

Tax Time

We decided to file our taxes a little early this year.

But I have to admit that I am more than a little concerned about our choice of accountant.

I asked him what we could expect in total returns this year and he laughed maniacally and mentioned something about "Batman Gummy Snacks".

Next year, I'm buying Turbo Tax.

February 9, 2011

Animal House

Sippy Cup (running at full speed down the hall): "DAD!"

Me (kneeling down): "Whoa!  Slow down!  Is there something on fire?  Why don't you have pants on?"

Sippy Cup (holding up his underwear and pants): "Dude!  You have got to smell this!"

Me (standing up): "Eww!  No!"

Sippy Cup (shoving his underwear and pants into my nose): "Dad!  Come on!  Smell them!  Smell both of them!"

Me (turning my head side-to-side, violently): "No!  What are you in college already?!"

Sippy Cup (climbing up my legs): "Come on bro!  Smell them I said!"

Me (detaching him from my legs): "Why?!  Why do you want me to smell your clothes?!"

Sippy Cup (throwing his underwear and pants at my nose): "Because they smell like my butt! HAHA!"

February 8, 2011

The King and I

Me: "Ok little dude, so you know Mommy has a new baby in her belly, right?"

Sippy Cup: "Yep.  My little sister."

Me: "Right! Right! That's right."

Sippy Cup: "She's going to be so cute."

Me: "I think so too.  So, you know you have some new jobs now, right?"

Sippy Cup: "Yep.  I protect Mommy.  I love Mommy.  I protect the baby.  I love the baby."

Me: "Awesome.  You're so smart."

Sippy Cup: "Thanks Dad."

Me: "I want you to know something really important though:
even though she's going to be our little princess you'll always be..."

Sippy Cup (interrupting): "I know Dad, I know."

Me: "Oh really?"

Sippy Cup: "Yep.  I'll always be the king!"

Me (sighing): "I'm glad you're taking this in stride."

Sippy Cup (playing an imaginary trumpet): "HERE COMES THE KING!"

February 5, 2011


Princess Teacup - 20 Weeks

And just when I thought I was going to run out of stories, life gives us a co-star...this ought to be interesting...

February 4, 2011

The Rules

Me: "Ok, so what are the rules for 'Daddy School'"

Sippy Cup: "First, I have to sit down like a big boy."

Me: "Good.  Next?"

Sippy Cup: "Number 2: I have to listen to Mr. Daddy."

Me: "Excellent."

Sippy Cup: "Next, no screaming."

Me: "Good."

Sippy Cup: "Singing is only ok if I sing quiet."

Me: "Ok, good, so we're ready to start."

Sippy Cup: "And no burping and farting."

Me: "Fantastic. Wait...what? 

Sippy Cup: "No burping or farting."

Me: "I never said that."

Sippy Cup: "I know Mr. Daddy but it's a good rule. Unless my belly hurts. Nino told me that!"

Me: "Of course he did."

February 3, 2011

1 Little Monkey

Me (shouting from the living room): "Stop jumping on the bed!"

Sippy Cup (jumping on the bed): "What?!  I can't hear you?!  I'm singing!"

Me (in a louder voice): "I said to stop jumping on the bed!"

Sippy Cup (still jumping on the bed): " 'What you don't understand is I'll catch a grenade for yaaaa!!!' "

Me (standing up): "You better stop jumping before I get to the room!"

Loud, ominous bang and crash

Sippy Cup (slightly concerned voice): "I'm okay!"

Me: "What did you do?!"

Sippy Cup (very concerned voice): "I didn't break the bed!"

** Editor's Note: For the record, he didn't break the bed **

February 2, 2011

What I Don't Understand

Me: "Good morning buddy."

Sippy Cup (singing): " 'Easy come, easy go' "

Me: "Uh-huh.  That's great."

Sippy Cup (still singing): " 'That's just how you live oooohhh' "

Me: "Really?  This is how we're going to start the day?"

Sippy Cup (singing with more emotion): " 'Take, take, take it all but you never give' "

Me (sighing): "I'm not even going to try and stop you."

Sippy Cup (closing his eyes for emphasis): " 'Shoulda known you was trouble hum hum kiss' "

Me: "What would you like for breakfast?"

Sippy Cup (clutching at his heart): " 'You tossed it in the trash, you tossed it in the trash!' "

Me: "Cereal perhaps?"

Sippy Cup (singing/yelling): " 'What you don't understand is I'll catch a grenade for yaahh!' "

Me: "Waffles?  Excellent.  We'll have waffles."