M.O.M.: “How was your holiday party at school?”
Sippy Cup: “It was awesome!
We had popcorn and chips and cookies and candy!”
M.O.M.: “Whoa! You
had a whole shmortgageboard!”
Me: “That’s definitely not how you say that.”
M.O.M.: “Shutup. How
do you say it then?”
Me: “Uhm, Smörgåsbord.”
M.O.M.: “Definitely not.
I don’t believe you. Look it
up. Let me hear the Internet pronounce
it.”
Mr. Cufflinks dutifully looks up the proper pronunciation.
Me: “Told you so.”
M.O.M.: “Whatever.
That’s not how you say it in Jewish.”
Me: “Strike two and three.
Jewish isn’t a language. And,
since you’re half-Jewish,
the fact that you don’t know this is something we
should probably discuss.”
M.O.M.: “Fine. Yiddish. Or Hebrew. Jerk.”
Me: “Also, the word is Swedish.”
Sippy Cup: “It doesn’t matter anyway. Jewish is an island.”
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