August 29, 2013

What I Should Have Said (1)

What I Should Have Said:

"Hey love, light of my life, you are the most amazing woman and your tireless efforts to maintain our household and raise our children are appreciated beyond comprehension."

What I Did Say:

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn baby! You look TIRED!"

August 27, 2013

More Than Mommy's Iced Tea

Me (tucking Sippy Cup into bed): "Alright little dude. Have a good night."

Sippy Cup (fluffing his pillow): "Thanks. You too."

Me (leaning over the side rail of his loft bed to kiss his forehead): "I love you champ."

Sippy Cup (smiling): "I love you too Daddy."

Me (tilting my head to the side): "Really?"

Sippy Cup: "Yeah!"

Me (leaning against his loft bed): "How much?"

Sippy Cup (thinking for a few seconds): "I love you a lot Daddy. More than Iced Tea."

Me (laughing): "More than Snapple Iced Tea? Or the really good iced tea that Mommy makes from scratch?"

Sippy Cup (whispering): "More than Mommy's Iced Tea."

Me (leaning over to give him a hug and another kiss): "Good. Because I love you more than Mommy's iced tea too. Good night buddy."

Sippy Cup (snuggling into his pillow): "Good night Daddy."

August 26, 2013

Justin vs. Justin

(Sippy Cup and the M.O.M. are watching Justin Timberlake's performance 

Sippy Cup (pointing at the screen): "Who is that?"

M.O.M. (in shock): "What?! You don't know who that is? That's Justin Timberlake!"

Sippy Cup: "Oh. Ok. Is Justin Bieber going to sing too?"

M.O.M. (gasping): "Why would you want him to sing? Listen to JT! Do you hear that? He is amazing!"

Sippy Cup: "Right. But is Justin Bieber going to be there?"

M.O.M.: "I don't know. And I don't care. Listen to that man! Do you hear that? That is the voice of an angel! You see that statue they're giving him? That's the best award you can possibly get! And he's getting it! Do you know where Justin Bieber is right now? Not there. That's where he is."

Sippy Cup (after a few seconds of silence): "I don't care about all of those words you're saying. I just want to hear Justin Bieber sing. He's cool."

Me (from the kitchen): "Ha! Suck it JT!"

August 23, 2013

5 Things Princess Teacup Is Afraid Of

As it turns out, my daughter is not a fearless warrior princess.

I have discovered 5 specific things that terrify her.

As expected, they are completely ludicrous.

  1. My Black & Decker Power Drill 
  2. The Exhaust Fan on our Range Hood
  3. Screwdrivers
  4. Vacuum Cleaners
  5. Johnny Depp's Tonto from "The Lone Ranger"

August 19, 2013

Field Station: Dinosaurs

Did you know that you can visit Jurassic Park in New Jersey? I sure didn't. But the M.O.M. (with her uncanny ability to find amazing things to do with the goblins on the weekends) definitely did.

This past Saturday, we visited Field Station: Dinosaurs. The Field Station is located in Secaucus, New Jersey and is home to over thirty life-sized animatronic dinosaurs. It is over twenty acres total and built at the base of a 150 million year-old rock formation. But these details are insignificant when you realize that you are walking along paths next to life-sized animatronic dinosaurs. The six-year-old boy inside of me had a heart attack. And the six-year-old boy walking next to me had a heart attack as well.

Editor's Note: We thought it best to leave Princess Teacup with Grandma Nina since we wanted to spend some time alone with our little homie. And because I didn't want her to try and wrestle a Velociraptor.

Please follow the jump for more amazing photos from our "Mommy and Daddy Date with Sippy Cup".


August 15, 2013

Princess Teacup: Lost In Translation (16-20)

I already have provided our readers with fifteen basic words and phrases to keep them as safe as possible just in case they should ever find themselves alone with my daughter for some absurd reason.

Here are 5 more words and/or phrases to help you survive your time. Do not be fooled by her cuteness. She is a warrior. Tread carefully

"I.T." - Iced Tea; although it may be confusing, she is not asking for technical support for her server or computer network. She is actually asking for a glass of home-made iced tea. This will never be used in a full sentence; it will just be requested, completely at random, and most especially when you are not home. I.E. (while on the train) "Daddy? I.T.?"

"Flip-Flip" - Netflixcontrary to what your instincts may tell you, she is not asking to be flipped in the air. She actually wants to watch a cartoon program on Netflix. Please note: if you mistakenly flip her in the air, be prepared to spend the rest of your day flipping her in the air. I.E. "I want flip-flip Daddy! Flip-flip!"

"Pa-Nino" Padrino a.k.a. Godfather; Princess Teacup loves her Godfather; mostly because he loves her and spoils her but primarily because he takes her to Shake Shack. She loves Shake Shack. I.E. "Where's Pa-Nino? I want Pa-Nino!"

"My Choos!" - My Shoes; she is actually requesting her beloved Crocs. If you have the audacity to bring her another pair of shoes (which are more to her father's sartorial preference), she will attempt to throw said shoes at your face.  Please note: if she is requesting her "choos", she is also requesting to be taken outside. She will not care if it is raining gallons of water or if it is roughly 343 degrees outside. I.E. "I want my choos! I want Pa-Nino!"

"Sanwish" - Unknown; I'm including this one because I have no idea what it means. I think she's saying "Sandwich" but, if you give her a sandwich when she says "Sanwish", she'll just stare at you like you're an idiot. At times, she will come up to me and whisper "Sanwish" into my ear. She'll shake her head while saying it. As I said, I have no idea what it means or how it started. It is frightening. I'm including it in this list in the hopes that you'll help me divine her meaning. I.E. "Sanwish!" (whispering in my ear while I'm trying to take a nap).

August 13, 2013

Remember His Name

Editor's Note: This post, admittedly, has nothing to do with raising children. But it has everything to do with supporting my amazing cousin and his art. Click here to have your eyeballs body-slammed 
by Jonathan Mejia's creativity.

August 8, 2013

The Blues

Me (singing Elton John's classic "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues" in my best Elton John impression): "And I guess that's why they call it the blues!"

M.O.M. (getting changed into her pajamas): "Please stop."

Me (standing behind her, singing into her ear): "Time on my hands could be time spent with you!"

M.O.M. (walking away): "Seriously?"

Me (cutting in front of her and dropping my voice to a romantic whisper): "Laughing like children..."

M.O.M. (hanging her head in shame and sighing)

Me (gently lifting her chin so that I can stare lovingly into her eyes): " like lovers..."

M.O.M. (chewing on her upper lip so that she won't laugh or punch me in the face)

Me (dropping to my knees): "...rooooooooooolling like thunder, under the cooooovvveerrrrs!"

M.O.M. (stepping past me to close the windows): "You're an idiot."

Me (jumping to my feet for the grand finale): "AND I GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT THE BLUES!!!!!"

M.O.M. (turning to face me): "Oh my God! Shutup!"

Me (bowing and then giving myself a high-five): "You really have no idea just how lucky you are that you get to live with all this awesome."

August 6, 2013

August 5, 2013

Cardio Eating

I recently read a great article on The Good Men Project called "5 Things We Can Learn About How to Eat By Watching Kids".

The advice was sound, logical and simple and you should follow the link to the read the article (but only after you have finished reading mine, duh).

Thinking of this article, I watched Princess Teacup the other day and realized that her preferred method of eating is also a great way of controlling your appetite and managing your weight.

I call it Cardio Eating.

"Cardio Eating" is pretty simple: as you are eating your snack (i.e. apple, banana, Bounty Paper Towel, etc.) you take small bites and then run around the house like a maniac.  When you are done running, you return to your snack and take another few quick bites before resuming your high-intensity running. If while you are running your father (thinking you have finished your snack and just want to play) throws it away, you grab the nearest toy (i.e. Duplo block, rubber pirate sword, die-cast metal Hot Wheels race car, etc.) and promptly threaten him with it.  

It is a surprisingly effective approach to eating.  However, I would advise that you get professional medical clearance before attempting "Cardio Eating".  I tried it once and promptly passed out with cookie crumbs all over my shirt.  The M.O.M. was not amused.

August 2, 2013

Conversations With My Daughter (2)

My daughter is 2 years-old. Sometimes we talk. It never makes any sense.

Me (calling out from the bathroom): "Baby. Where did you put the hair brush?"

Princess Teacup (walking into the bathroom): "The brush?"

Me: "Yes. I saw you playing with it."

Princess Teacup (quickly looking over her shoulder and then back at me): "The brush flew away Daddy."

Me (crossing my arms): "The brush flew away? Really? How did the brush fly away?"

Princess Teacup (pointing to the sky, spinning in circles, and making fart noises with her tongue)

Me (sighing): "Ok. I guess I won't comb your hair today."

Princess Teacup (running away, laughing): "Super Grover!"

August 1, 2013

Good Luck

Sippy Cup (changing into his pajamas): "Mom, why is purple your favorite color?"

M.O.M. (changing Princess Teacup's diaper): "I don't know. I just like it."

Sippy Cup (dancing in front of the mirror): "But why?"

M.O.M.: "I don't know. I don't have a reason. Why is red your favorite color?"

Sippy Cup (suddenly very serious): "Because it's the color of strawberries.  And I love strawberries."

M.O.M. (a little surprised): "Wow. I wasn't expecting an actual answer."

Sippy Cup (going back to his dance routine): "It's also the color of good luck in China."

Me (looking at the M.O.M.): "I've just given up understanding how he knows the things he knows."