December 29, 2011

Ghost of Christmas Past

Sippy Cup is an extremely lucky little boy who is spoiled by his grandparents, relatives and even my next door neighbors.  For Christmas, he received an absurd amount of gifts and (after he had unwrapped all of them) we thought it would be a good idea to store some of the smaller toys to be opened on a rainy, boring weekend. We figured it would be an awesome way to extend the holiday season well into the summer. 

He, on the other hand, thought this was a terrible idea and has spent the past few days sneaking under the couch and into the closet to try and open his remaining gifts.

Me: "Hey, little guy, quick question: who opened the truck that was under the couch?"

Sippy Cup (shocked): "I didn't do it!  Nino did it!"

Me: "Really?  Your grandfather opened up a toy truck to play with it?"

Sippy Cup (nodding): "I told him not to do it.  But he never listens to me."

Me: "Oh wow.  He didn't listen to you?  That's not good.  I'm going to call him and find out why he didn't listen to you."

Sippy Cup (running to grab the phone out of my hand):
"No! No! Wait! Don't call him! Ha! You don't have to call him!"

Me: "Why not?  If you're telling the truth, it won't matter.  He'll explain it to me."

Sippy Cup (jumping up and down): "Look!  I'm exercising!  Where's my sweater?  I think I left it in my room."

Me: "Fantastic attempt at distraction, I must say.  Regardless, I'm calling him."

Sippy Cup (looking over his shoulder and whispering): "No, wait, it was a ghost!"

Me: "A ghost?  A ghost opened your toy truck?"

Sippy Cup (replicating a zombie's lopsided stroll): "Yes!  With his wavy arms!  Ooooh!  Ooooooooooooooh!  Look at my scary, magic, wavy arms!"

Me (sighing): "You want to try this one more time?  Who opened the truck?"

Sippy Cup (looking up at me): "I'm just going to go sit on timeout for a few minutes and think about it."

Me: "Good idea."

December 25, 2011

Questions of Etiquette

Princess Teacup absolutely adores her older brother.  There is no one in this world that can make her as happy as he can.  Their brother-sister relationship is beautiful, honest and organic and, like all sincere relationships, they seem to share secrets no one else in the world is privy to.

Earlier tonight, in the middle of one of their play sessions, I decided to test just how far he was willing to go for his sister.

Me: "You know, you have to protect your sister at all times.  It's one of the most important jobs a big brother has to do."

Sippy Cup (jumping around in front of her, to her obvious delight): "Yep, I know."

Me: "So, if you guys are in school together one day, you have to keep her safe from bullies."

Sippy Cup (still jumping): "Yep, I know."

Me: "So what are you going to do if you find some bullies picking on her at school?"

Sippy Cup (stopping to think): "Probably tell them that's not a good plan."

Me: "What?  That sounds awesome!  Like something from an action movie!  I like that."

Sippy Cup (going back to pantomiming): "Thanks."

Me: "But what if they don't listen to you?"

Sippy Cup (karate-kicking the air): "Then I'll kick them in the butt!"

Me (looking conspiratorially side-to-side, making sure the M.O.M. wasn't in the room):
 "In the butt?  Why don't you just punch them in the face?"

Sippy Cup (stopping all activity and staring at me in the eyes): "Punch them in the face?  That's rude."

Me: "Oh, so kicking them in the butt isn't rude?"

Sippy Cup: "No, because I'll have sneakers on.  Sneakers are soft."

Me: "Leave it to you to find a way to politely save your sister from bullies."

December 5, 2011

Stunt Cups

Sippy Cup (riding his scooter at full speed down the hallway and screaming): "AAAHHH!!!"

Me: "Right.  Please stop doing that.  Like, immediately.  Just stop."

Sippy Cup (after achieving maximum velocity, launching himself off of the scooter and doing a barrel roll all while the scooter slams into the front door):

Me: "Yep.  What did I just say?  That is super dangerous.  How did you do that?!  Why would you even think of doing that?!"

Sippy Cup (dusting himself off and picking himself up): "Because I'm a kid.  And it's fun."

Me: "...I honestly don't even know how to respond to that...your logic is air-tight..."

December 2, 2011

Christmas Miracle

M.O.M. : "Are you sure you want to prune the Christmas tree with a kitchen knife?"

Me: "Hush now.  I got this."

M.O.M. : "I really think I should do this. You're going to hurt yourself."

Me: "I said hush."

- 5 minutes later -

Me (while holding my thumb which is now squirting copious amounts
of blood all over the living room floor):

M.O.M. : "Seriously?!"

Me (running to the bathroom): "Where's the First Aid kit?!  Why do we hide the First Aid kit?!
Who does that?!"

Sippy Cup: "Mom?  Is Daddy going to die?"