March 8, 2013

A Memo To Future Parents (2)

To: Future Parents

From: Mr. Cufflinks

Date: March 8, 2013

Re: Parenthood

Regardless of what you have seen on television or on your favorite Pinterest boards, being a parent will never be a slow-motion game of tag through a wheat field or a series of ridiculous photo-ops in barnyards.

Parenthood is ugly.  Parenthood is scary.  Parenthood is difficult and trying and will push you beyond your limits.

Parenthood is dealing with a 5 year-old who can't fall asleep because his stomach hurts.

Parenthood is being terrified because you don't know if his cries of pain are just whining caused by a need for affection or if they are sincere cries of pain caused by appendicitis.

Parenthood is having your body destroyed by a combination of strep throat and bronchitis and still searching the term "Pediatric Stomach Pains" on your iPad with your right hand while rubbing your son's belly with your left hand at midnight.

Parenthood is having to get up at 4:45am to start getting ready for work and still getting up to take care of your 2 year-old daughter while your husband consoles your son while simultaneously using the iPad to attempt to diagnose his stomach pain at midnight.

Parenthood is realizing that neither you nor your wife are trained pediatricians and should not be trusting a website to diagnose your precious son.

Parenthood is making the decision to take him to the emergency room because you can no longer stand to see him in so much pain.

Parenthood is getting him dressed and having him wait on the couch while you get yourself dressed.

Parenthood is finally getting yourself dressed only to come out and realize that he has vomited on the couch and, as expected, is suddenly feeling "...a lot better Daddy".

Parenthood is stripping the couch covers and throwing them in the wash at 12:15am with a slight smile on your face because, in spite of the terrible exhaustion you and your wife will feel in a few hours, your son is feeling better and his health and happiness is the only thing that truly matters.

Parenthood is ugly.  Parenthood is scary.  Parenthood is difficult and trying and will push you beyond your limits.

But you can do it.

Because your kids are amazing.  And, if you don't do your job, then who will?   

If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to leave a comment below or email your regional manager at

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