Things I Never Thought I'd Have To Say (13)

"Ok homie, you're going to be staying at Nina's tonight because Mommy and 
I have to run away from zombies tomorrow."

Cupcakes

Sippy Cup (walking home from Nina's house): "Aww Dad!  Look!  The neighbor's dogs are so cute!"

Me (taking a look and seeing three Lhasa Apsos running around the yard): "Heh. Yeah. They are cute."

Sippy Cup (turning to me): "We should get one of those!"

Me: "Well, my good sir, while I agree that we should get a puppy, I don't think it should be one of those."

Sippy Cup (frowning): "Why not?"

Me: "Because, my good man, Daddy has decided that he wants a bulldog.  French or English. It doesn't matter.  I just want a bulldog.  Like Spike, from Tom and Jerry!"

Sippy Cup (crossing his arms): "No way! I want a little one like that!  And I want to name her 'Cupcake'!"

Me (aghast): "What? Who are you?"

Sippy Cup (turning and walking away): "I'm a kid!"

Me: "Thanks Captain Obvi-"

Sippy Cup (shouting over his shoulder): "And I want a puppy named 'Cupcake'!"

Silent Postings Remixed (2)

Simon Says

Nino (playing Simon Says with the Princess): "Simon Says touch your nose."

Princess Teacup (giggling and touching her nose): "Here it is!"

Nino (laughing): "Good job! Now, Simon Says touch your toes."

Princess Teacup (bending down and grunting with the effort): "Here are toes!"

Nino: "Ha! Good job baby!"

Princess Teacup (laying on the floor, looking under the couch and retrieving a small, shiny dime): "Yay!"

Nino (suddenly worried that she'll try to eat it): "Uhm...Simon Says give Nino the coin."

Princess Teacup (putting her hands behind her back and whispering): "Simon Says I don't want to play anymore."

A Letter to Future Sippy Cup (27)

Hey kid,

When I was in grade school, there was a bully who terrorized our school; his name was "Alex" (that wasn't his real name but that doesn't matter).

Alex was not the "sharpest tool in the shed" but he was definitely the strongest and he more than made up for what he lacked in analytic ability with sheer, brute strength.

My parents didn't raise me to be a "fighter" but, at the same time, they didn't raise me to be a fool either and so I had my fair share of random dust-ups growing up.

I knew that my path would eventually cross Alex's and that I would need to prepare for that eventuality.  So I did what seemed so obvious to me, even as a second grader: I hired Alex to be a bodyguard.

For a weekly salary of a single dollar and a pack of gum (one stick dispensed daily), I asked Alex to "help keep our friends safe".  Alex, not realizing that he was the only bully in the school, gladly agreed (he was a big fan of chewing gum).

The moral of the story is this: life will throw challenges your way and, often, the solution will not be obvious to you.  Use the skills that you have to face the challenge head on.  Don't be quick to fight; but don't be a fool either.  Not all strengths are physical and not all victories are earned with black eyes.

Love,
Dad

PS - if you ever run into a bully and you can't figure out how to deal with them, come and talk to me immediately. I know a few people who'd be happy to help.