It Finally Happened

My son tried to kill me today.

I'm not sure if he was intentionally trying to ninja leg sweep me as I stepped over him in the hallway this morning or if he had a moment of artistic inspiration and decided to bust out in an amazing impromptu break dance but, regardless, the end result was the same: our feet got tangled together and I went stumbling into a wall.

The fact that he's still laughing about it makes me think it was the former as opposed to the latter.

Accessory After the Fact

Lil Sippy Cup and the M.O.M. got into a little disagreement this morning.  I forget the specifics but suffice it to say that Lil Sippy Cup was being way too loud.

M.O.M.: "You'd better stop it."

Lil Sippy Cup: "No!"

M.O.M.: "I'm serious.  Now hush!"

Lil Sippy Cup: "No!  I'm the man!"

While I believe his proclamation was more a statement of power and achievement (i.e. "I just beat you in this verbal game! I'm the man!") as opposed to any declaration of chauvinist opinion (i.e. "I don't need to listen to you because I'm the man!"), Lil Sippy Cup is currently serving time in the Quiet Corner.

And so am I.

Destination Truth

As a parent, you sometimes resort to somewhat underhanded tactics to ensure that the rule of law and order is maintained in your household.

Unfortunately, these tactics don't always work.

Me: “Seriously, stop jumping on the bed."

Lil Sippy Cup (jumping enthusiastically): “Nope!  This is fun!”

Me: “If you don’t stop, you are going to fall and bump your head.”

Lil Sippy Cup (still jumping): “No I won’t!  I’m good at jumping!”

Me: “Ok, fine.  If you don’t stop, the monster is going to come out and bite you.”

Lil Sippy Cup (no longer jumping): “What monster?”

Me: “The monster that lives under the bed.”

Lil Sippy Cup (jumping again): “Ha ha! No he won’t.  I’ll be friends with him and tell him to jump on the bed with me!"

Me: “What if he doesn’t want to be your friend?  What if he’s mean and scary?”

Lil Sippy Cup: “Then I’ll punch him in the face!”

Me: “Fantastic. You really shouldn’t punch people in the face.”

Lil Sippy Cup: “He’s not a people.  He’s a monster.”

Pediatric Podiatry

Lil Sippy Cup: "Owwww!"

Me: "Ok, what happened now?"

Lil Sippy Cup: "My foot!  Ow!  My foot!"

Me: "That doesn't really clarify things."

Lil Sippy Cup: "I have foot-itis!"

Me: "One more time?"

Lil Sippy Cup: "My foot! It has itis!  I have foot-itis!"

Me: "That's not even real!"

Lil Sippy Cup: "Yes it is!  It is real!"

The Carving Board

So what do you do when you go pumpkin picking and bring home a 16 pound pumpkin?

You carve it of course.

Step 1. Scrape out the pumpkin guts.

(Eww.)

Step 2. Tell ghost stories.

Step 3. Transfer the stencil onto the pumpkin by punching tiny holes through the lines of the stencil paper. 

Spread flour onto the holes to make the pattern easier to see.

Step 4. Carefully carve the pumpkin and then step back and ponder your own awesomeness.